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34. Toxic thoughts

Objavljeno, 23.1.2019. | My Yes to love journey

A friend called me and asked me for a “phone therapy”. I was happy to help but I’m still on PMS and I don’t have a lot of patience. I raised my voice a few times because she was totally mirroring some of my internal dialogs and that was getting on my nerves because I was really angry at myself because I was doing the same to myself.

Let’s say I caught myself in the act. I get a plus in the notebook for it. I asked her to forgive me for my impatience and that it was because she was mirroring me and that was really irritating.

She continued to say her story. An old story. That she’s unsatisfied with her advancement, that she feels bad again, that she has fears, and so on… it was as if I was listening to my inner dialog and that made me sick. I thought: this reminder came in perfect time for me.

Life is always showing us the directions if we are looking for them.

She was telling her story:

– I was so well and I didn’t feel any pain but then I started wondering: how long will this last? You know, I was expecting pain…

– A-ha! Stop right there and repeat what you just said.

– I was expecting pain.

– Who was expecting pain? Who is maintaining that state?

– I am.

A small digression: I ALSO HAVE BIG ADVANCEMENTS SOMETIMES AND I CAN LIFT MY LEG AND DO WHATEVER WITH IT, MY WALK IS MORE STABLE AND INSTEAD OF ENJOYING IT I AM QUICKLY OVERCOME BY FEAR THAT IT IS JUST TEMPORARY. I AM EXPECTING THE OLD FEELINGS OF DISABILITY WHICH SOON COMES. I TO AM MAINTAINING THIS STATE.

– You were expecting the pain because it is not normal that you don’t have any?

– Yes.

– You’ve had it for years: pain, fear, and sadness?

– Yes.

– OK. Can you tell me how do you feel inside now? What does your body feel like while you are saying: I was expecting pain?

– I am sad, desperate and scared…

– Do you know your body is addicted to the chemicals of those emotions, just like a junkie?

– I know.

– Do you know how these chemicals affect your body?

– Yes. Terribly, they’re poisonous.

– And who is serving you that poison?

– I am. I’m serving it to myself. And I wonder how these medications I take don’t work, and I am constantly serving myself poison by my thoughts, fears, and doubts. Poor medications, they have no chance! Eureka! Unbelievable!

– Now please say this: I can stop serving poison to myself.

– I can stop serving poison to myself!

– Tell me how do you feel in your body right now?

– I feel amazing! Hahaha!

– Powerful? You took your power back.

– Yes, I did!

– Can you then, before going to sleep tonight, can you ask your body what is it trying to tell you? Maybe to stop serving it poison and let it heal itself like it heals the wound on your finger that you don’t give any importance to because you totally trust your body’s innate intelligence and it heals perfectly?

 

Here we needed to stop because I had a group meditation via Zoom. After it when I looked at my phone there was her message:

– I blindly trust that the wound on my finger will perfectly heal. Just like that, I can blindly trust the super intelligence of my body that it knows how to do its repair.

– Just like you said.

In the next message, she sent me a smiley face with hearts instead of eyes.

– I feel very good.

– It works better than any drug in the world, right?

– Yes. Although I feel some of the symptoms right now, I am peaceful.

– Just remember that there are only two emotions: love and fear.

– Yes. I am smiling right now.

– Get your focus off of the symptoms.

Yes. But I am OK that I have them because I know my body needs its time for repair and I completely trust it.

We laughed. She thanked me:

– You are good.

– You got all by yourself, I did nothing. I was just a master of ceremony.

– You have a lot of power.

– We all do. I’m “just” training it.

– It’s hard to “move” me and you did it.

– Thank you for coming to show me my own issues. You know that this was a mutually beneficial “therapy” session, don’t you?

We laughed at it.

 

There are only two emotions: love and fear. All the other emotions are secondary; they are derivatives of these two. I know it sounds too easy for our complicated minds to believe it. I continued to read my book and found this quote to frame this story:

In our society, however, many of us have become disconnected from our innate wisdom. We don’t trust ourselves, so we depend on external authority to tell us how to live. It seems easier to obey than to think. We entrust our lives to the government, religion, education, economics, medicine, culture, and family. If you removed your belief in what other people tell you about how you should live, you would have to fall back on your inner knowing. Could you do it? Faith in internal guidance represents a defining leap in personal and planetary evolution. It is the severing of the umbilicus from dictatorship and dogma. While deep self-confidence seems like a foray into uncharted territory, it is really a homecoming. As the German philosopher Goethe said, “As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.”

Cohen, Alan. The Tao Made Easy (pp. 18-19). Hay House. Kindle Edition.

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