8. I am my own experiment

Objavljeno, 18.4.2018. | My Yes to love journey

Last weekend I had the last day of my Personal Development course in IPD center and school. My class continues with two-year Therapist Training and I am off to serious restructuring of my neural networks.

I told you that I became my own Epigenetic and Psychoneuroimmunology experiment last year, and it’s ongoing since last May. But it’s in full swing since the Joe Dispenza progressive workshop in Zagreb this February.

How? I decided to quit all the old habits and to become a new me. I made huge changes in my life: I started waking up at 5 to meditate and I never go to sleep before I meditate and do my breathing exercises.

I cured my addiction to social media and I stopped being reactive to the things that would simply “detonate” me in the past. People close to me say that I give the impression of a calm and centered person (!!). Even my doctor House who, while she was looking at my white blood cells on the microscope yesterday, gave me great news, saying that they seem like they have been working out;

– Not only that Anđa, it looks like you are producing new healthy cells!

Manja, my colleague from Belgrade stays at my house every time we had school the last four years, and those weekends I expect with joy. This last weekend I decided not to write my master’s thesis because I don’t want to go into analyzing the past (where I was and where am I now), even though it meant I won’t get my diploma. All the professors to whom I told this were very surprised but understood that I was doing this because of my health.

No one tried to reason me into doing it because I was clear when I said I feel like I got everything I needed from these four years (and more), and I don’t need a certificate.

So I spent this weekend with people who know me best (and still want to hang out with me) and while we were saying our gratitude for this experience we were all touched and overwhelmed by love.

Sunday evening, I’m drinking wine with Manja and I’m telling her about my next trip to Madrid to see my friends and their Art festival, but her reaction was the voice of reason I needed.

– What are you doing woman? You’re going to Madrid? There will be “24-hour party”, and you will sit at the side and meditate? Yeah, right! And what if you fall into feeling like you’re different and you get back to feeling like you used to? What are you going to do then? Are you going to risk the workshop in Berlin? That would be really stupid! You will lose your focus. You’re on a food regimen now, you exercise, meditate, you need your peace. You plan to stick to your discipline in a “24-hour” party house? Sure you are! (laugh)

That’s an advice! – from my sister from another mother from another country. I was relieved to tell her I will cancel my trip because I instantly imagined how it would be if I’d appear in Dispenza’s advanced retreat in Berlin, tired and out of practice. Manja was surprised –
– Did you decide so easily? Well done! It means you are ready to change.

I bought the ticket to Madrid a week before this work and it cost me 260 euros. Better that than my new-found discipline and presence. That is the price of this lesson. The old Anđa would go to Casa Banchel in the YesToAll house and it would be #YesToAll to everything. The new Anđa chooses herself and cancels the trip. If I decided to become new I have to do new and exciting things and stay focused.

Manja continued:
– Imagine this: you come to a YesToAll party and you say No to all. What a party-breaker!
I imagined it. I really can’t come to the YesToAll house and say no. And I definitely can’t say yes to all! I really want to finish this change I undertook and stay consistent. Wouldn’t it be lovely to dance on one of the future YesToAll parties and hold a lecturing on Epigenetics from my own experience to my ex-colleagues and future therapists in the IPD center and school? Manja’s parable cemented my decision to cancel the trip to Madrid and the next “Family Gathering” in Cadíz in June. I choose myself.

Yesterday I went to see my Dr. House and I received praise and a lot of hugs after we saw my test results. Amazing! I knew I’m overflowing my body with useful, healing chemicals (more than 1400 of them) while I meditate and have uplifting emotions of love and gratitude and I feel my every cell is joyous. But when the tests confirmed it too, I was ecstatic!

This was my lesson this week. The new Anđa is choosing and listening to herself and her smart friend when she overhears her own voice of reason.

It’s so easy to slide off from the path to the old patterns, the mind always suggests that you can start tomorrow!

I’m so glad that I took over the government from the body-mind and that I am the boss of my firm (body) and my life. I remember, when I started Personal Development in IPD, I couldn’t sit straight through the lecture and I was lying with my eyes closed – that’s how bad I felt. I remember feeling like a paper ship on the ocean of life that was left to the mercy and disfavor of waves that were breaking it to the rocks. Now, I feel like I learned to drive my boat and I am not afraid of storms anymore. When they come I know how to take my ship to calm waters or throw the anchor in a bay and hide from trouble.

That is the point of self-development: life remains full of challenge but I am stable.

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