Our internal dialog is what determines our live’s experience and marks the wrinkles in our face. Just look at some elderly people: how beautiful and shiny they are and how they’re aging with dignity, and others who are wrinkled with thin lips that are turned in a curve down and with narrowed eyes as if they’re expecting an attack. On the faces of elderly people, you can clearly see what internal dialogs they’ve been leading for years. And how will you look when you grow old?
All we have is the present moment. The past and the future don’t exist anymore, all we have is the eternal now.
The images we impress upon our mind, especially when accompanied by emotion, yield the same experience whether they are true or fictional. The thoughts you hold are mighty, and illusions are as strong in their effects as is the truth.
Your subconscious mind has adopted an enormous array of lies about yourself, underscoring what’s wrong with you and the world. You have been playing out these untruths in your relationships, career, finances, health, and other significant areas of your life.
Cohen, Alan. A Course in Miracles Made Easy (p. 7). Hay House. Kindle Edition.
Did you know that more than 90% thoughts we have daily are the same as yesterday? We sleep on the same side of the bed, we brush our teeth on the same side, we automatically make our morning coffee and breakfast, we take the same route to work and our bodies are executing the actions automatically because they’ve become habits so we don’t need to be conscious while doing them. How many times happened to us all that we arrive at our destination completely unaware of what was going on on the way there because our body automatically knew where to steer the car? These actions are more or less ok automatisms but when we are unaware of our automatic reactions to certain situations (like I am, though less and less), we are repeating the same patterns that are bad for us and we repeat the same experiences only with different protagonists (all the men are the same, my work colleagues are exploiting me, my boss is expecting me to work extra hours without paying me…)
This December brought me a culmination of understandings about what I have learned and became aware of in the past year. Some of my old programs powered by PMS “attacked me” and I saw how intoxicating, seductive and familiarly pleasant that sorrow felt like and how easy it is to surrender to it. But this year it was different because my internal observer was awake and it was warning me that it was all made up. Now, I know that I am not my thoughts, I know I shouldn’t trust them and I know that they’re not the truth anyway.
In this New Year’s PMS, I was very dramatic and I have diagnosed myself with depression. Not a severe one, but persistent enough to torment me during PMS for years. Bullshit! – my internal observer spoke up. – You’re full of crap! What would you say to your best friend if she told you this? What would you say to yourself if you were your friend? This made me think and even made me embarrassed a little. But my internal dialogue started together with the excuses: it is this time of the year, family holidays are painful to me since I had a divorce and my mom died. It’s a good enough excuse to feel like crap… – I thought but my observer spoke up again: bullshit! Get out of the past, change the tape! Get out of the program!
But really what would I advise to Anđa if I were her friend? I would tell her she lives in the past. I would tell her she is punishing herself by thinking the thoughts that are evoking painful memories, I would tell her that she’s being hysterical and that she is running in the wheel like a hamster in a cage. I would tell her: get out of that wheel already! Stop it!
It is so easy to immerse oneself in the old programs and become an unconscious sleepwalker with her brain on the loose, and body on autopilot that executes habitual actions!
Old story, broken record, hamster wheel. If I had a terrible Christmas 6, or 9 or three years ago, do I need to have an awful Christmas every year? Do I have to fall unconscious during every family holiday, and surrender to the emotions of the past only because my body is addicted to their biochemistry? Or everything could be different this year if I promise myself that I will monitor my thoughts more carefully?
And like it usually happens, at that moment a video suggestion appeared on YouTube: You are not depressed, you’re expanding! This is the approximate transcript of a conversation between Ester Hicks (A) and a seminar goer (Q)
Q: – I’m battling severe depression
A: – No, you’re not. YOU CAN’T BE HERE IN THIS ROOM AND BATTLING SEVERE DEPRESSION.
When we called you out here and you yelled: I’m on my way!, Was that severe depression?
Q: – No.
A: – And when you came and sat down and we look at you, did thàt feel like severe depression?
Q: – No. I felt happy.
A: – So stop telling those old stories that no longer apply to where you are now!
I opened menstrual calendar and I saw I have PMS. That explained a lot of things. I realized it’s only 6 PMS’ left to summer – and happiness and excitement overflew me. I noticed that the shortest day of the year had passed and that the days are longer and longer! Real winter is finally here! I opened my diary of gratitude and wrote such a post that I was excited and grateful for hours! Really, when I am unconscious I am not conscious that there are so many things I can be grateful for.
But when I am conscious, then life becomes my friend. The world becomes new because I am new. Like Marcel Proust once declared:
The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.