32. Reminiscing 2018.

Objavljeno, 12.1.2019. | My Yes to love journey

Find something to feel good about and get out of the way, and allow cells to receive what they’ve been asking for. That is the key to healing.
                                                                                                        Abraham Hicks


This sentence sums up the truth behind my condition. For so many years I have been sad that that feeling still haunts me even though I am managing to get away from it more and more successfully. I’ve been working on my sadness for years and I know that my body became addicted to the biochemistry of that emotion and that like a junkie, it is seeking to find it’s fix. I know that I said this already several times, but I benefit from reminding myself every time. I am reaffirming the new neurological pathways in my brain. Inner work is not a pleasant stroll by the sea, but a work. Being grateful is a skill. And the formula of success dwells in constant reminding myself that I am the one choosing my thoughts. I am the consciousness that lives inside my body and I am not the body on autopilot.


To think positively became so trivialized nowadays, especially between people who don’t really lack anything. This year I’ve finally released the need that anybody shares my opinions with me. The year started off intensely because I was too influenced by the opinions of the closest people to me, but the end of the year brought me wisdom and knowingness that their opinions are just their opinions and that they have nothing to do with me. I became aware that people are most bothered by their own helplessness to help someone they love and that because of that they sometimes become impatient, even rough and they have this need to throw their opinion of what you should do with your life in your face, because according to them, you are ignoring the so-called truth.


Helplessness is a powerful emotion that evokes a chain reaction of similar emotions, just like a positive thought evokes a chain reaction of positive thoughts and emotions like gratitude evoke healing chemicals in your body that power homeostasis. Get it?


This beautiful autumn in the dusk of 2018., a year that was rich with deep realizations I have also become aware that my positivity is an annoying lie to some. I became aware that everybody speaks only about themselves and that objectivity doesn’t really exist. Once, I tried to defend myself in front of a colleague in my school, and I told her, almost apologizing, that I know I am boring them with my positive attitude that seeks the best in every shit that happens to me, but that I really can’t afford to be any different.


The next day my dad was joking during a beautiful Christmas Eve dinner and apologizing to the guests for having thick wine glasses, explaining to them that they’re Anđa-proof. Which really amused me and made me laugh. He found it strange and incomprehensible (and reckless and dangerous) that my falls and breaking things are funny to me, to some my positive attitude is irritating and I keep asking myself: how hard it would be to be around me if I was crying over my destiny and if I was desperate? If I was ill-tempered and resigned? Oh, I think they don’t even realize.


Taking care of someone who doesn’t take care of himself is the hardest, believe me.


People are often offering me solutions for my recovery, they give me the phone numbers of their healers, bioenergetics, spiritual renewal retreats, procedures, supplements and all the things that helped someone they know or heard of, and I keep hearing: placebo, placebo, placebo… And then I am explaining to them that there doesn’t exist anything that can cure us except our subconscious mind, your belief and your faith in something and that you are only giving away your own power to someone or something outside of you – which is exactly how placebo works anyway. Then I am explaining that this is my lesson – the best thing that ever happened to me because it initiated me to my journey inside myself.


But I need to stop it. I need to establish an emotional and energy economy. I need to consciously estimate how much of my much-needed energy for my recovery and homeostasis will something take me and ask myself: can I even afford it?


I need to constantly remind myself that the creative intelligence that made all of my organs, designed my body and started the beating of my heart can also heal its handiwork. The subconscious intelligence that perfectly assembled my every cell and that is organizing every one of the billion processes in my body in every moment. I need to get out of its way and be grateful that there is nothing I need to do but to support it with nice thoughts that evoke nice emotions, having in mind how much it benefits me. I need to become aware that I am like a gardener sowing the seeds of thoughts and beliefs in my subconscious mind. And that I shall reap as I saw – in my body and in my life’s circumstances. Our subconscious mind is like a ground that accepts all the seeds – both the ones good for us and those that are bad.


Every thought is a cause and every condition is an effect. For this reason, it is essential that you take charge of your thoughts so as to bring forth only desirable conditions.
                                 Dr. Joseph Murphy: The power of your subconscious mind


So in the new year, I wish:
– to be even more grateful and conscious in every moment of my life.
– I want to become detective Columbo of my stream of thoughts and get familiar with their content even more
– I want to practice lucid dreaming and get to know my subconscious by lucidly strolling down its vast space
– in the New Year, I wish to rest from everything that is tiring me (thoughts, programs, habits) and engage more in what benefits me and what makes me feel good.

It seems to me that everything is about being conscious. In knowing the content of your mind. In getting out of the program. In conscious living. I wish us both the best year ever!

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