Your life is like your thoughts are all day.
Ralph Waldo Emerson (American philosopher and poet)
I’ve hung up the call happy because we talked again but also sad because I couldn’t help her. You can’t help a person who doesn’t want your help and all my attempts to cheer her up were futile. But it seemed as we really were happy that we’ve talked to each other again but as if we both had gloves on and treated each other carefully well aware of the reason we got separated. We told each other about what happened since we’ve talked to each other the last time, a little more than a year and a half ago. I was shocked to listen to her same old stories and infinitely funny anecdotes full of dark humor. It was as if not a week had passed, and she was telling me these as if she was telling me about someone else and not about herself who experienced all the horrible events. Only people from Sarajevo can do that. You are dying of laughter and want to cry at the same time listening to their tales. I remembered myself and the time I had all the best anecdotes and dinner conversations. One of my friends asked me then:
– Anđa, do you want to live your life or tell about it? You decide.
I didn’t understand him at the time, but as if his comment slowly anchored in my subconscious. Once I decided to take responsibility for my life I decided, with an almost disgust that I don’t want to be the clown in my life anymore. No, I didn’t want to tell funny and crazy anecdotes that made my friends hold their heads and bellies from laughter. I didn’t want to impress anyone, I wanted to impress me. The inner work is not called a pleasant stride by the ocean but work. I became the policeman of my thoughts. We have about 60 000 of them daily and it’s not easy but everything is possible if you have the intention. It is possible to familiarize yourself with the content of your thoughts and it’s possible to change them at once especially when you stop identifying yourself with them and you realize you are not your thoughts.
I was listening to her and I couldn’t believe that she still believes that life is happening to her and not because of her. She was still waiting for someone to come and save her and she believed that life is treating her unfairly and that life is gloomy and ugly. I didn’t know what to say to her. When she asked me what is going on with me and what’s new I told her that I’ve made a lot of changes in my life and that for almost a year now I am waking up at 5 am to meditate plus once or twice more every day. I told her that since we talked I maybe watched a movie or two but that I’ve twenty books or so and that currently, I am rereading a book about how to reprogram my subconscious mind and that I will continue to do so until I completely adopt it. She said:
– I see you are traveling a lot…
– Yes, my life has turned into a fairytale. Do you remember my “fake diary of gratitude”? – she didn’t begin to write it then with me – it totally came true! And more than I could’ve imagined!
We started in the same place ten years ago. Both our lives were falling apart and we were comforting each other. Now I see that I was terribly lucky to have fallen sick. My dear body has stopped me and woke me up. I luckily became immobile for a while so I had no option but to look within. Because of that, I wanted change more than my next breath.
I don’t believe in bad luck or misfortune. I don’t believe in an “interventional god” (as Nick Cave nicely put it), who in some heavenly call center decides which prayers will be answered and which ones won’t. Did you notice how some wonderful, good-willing and righteous people are stricken by injustice, poverty and disease and some unscrupulous, immoral criminals live in abundance, health, and success? It makes no sense, right? It is obvious that we tailor our lives based on our unconscious deepest beliefs.
A young man asked Socrates how he could get wisdom. Socrates replied, “Come with me.” He took the lad to a river, pushed his head under the water, held it there until the boy was gasping for air, then relaxed and released his head. When the boy regained his composure, he asked him, “What did you desire most when you were under water? I wanted air – said the boy. Socrates said to him, “When you want wisdom as much as you wanted air when you were immersed in the water, you will receive it”.
Likewise when you really have an intense desire to overcome any block in your life, and you come to a clear-cut decision that there is a way out, and that is the course you wish to follow, then victory and triumph are assured.
If you really want peace of mind and inner calm, you will get it. Regardless of how unjustly you have been treated, or how unfair your boss has been, or what scoundrel someone has proved to be, all this makes no difference to you when you awaken to your mental and spiritual powers. You know what you want, and you will definitely refuse to let the thieves (thoughts) of hatred anger, hostility and ill will rob you of peace, harmony health, and happiness. You cease to become upset by people, conditions, news, and events by identifying your thoughts immediately with your aim in life. Your aim is peace, health, inspiration, harmony, and abundance.”
Dr. Joseph Murphy: The power of your subconscious mind
“As you believe so shall it be done unto you.”