One morning before dawn I dreamt that I’m racing upstairs, jumping over two stairs at the time and some rocks up the hill next to the sea and when I got to the top I ran down the concrete road enjoying my strong legs and muscles that braked with ease so I don’t slide. I was running and jumping over obstacles enjoying the feeling that I can do it all, a new but also old feeling that was absent for a while but now it is was back like a good old friend. When I opened my eyes, because my bladder actually woke me, I was convinced that that day is very close because I never dreamt so vividly the movement of my body and the strength in my muscles and the endless pleasure that pervaded me.
Walking towards the bathroom I felt the familiar weight and I was surprised that I wasn’t so light anymore but it seemed as if my body was detached from my spirit and I didn’t care anymore because of the feeling from my dream, from my future, was still so strong. I was in love with the vision of my future and completely aloof to this feeling from my present moment and this transfused to the rest of this week.
After this dream I began to meditate even more passionately because I knew (thanks to the brain-scientists explained us so well on the Joe Dispenza’s workshop), that meditation gradually shuts down the neocortex (the seat of the thinking brain and analytical mind) and activates the limbic brain (emotional brain) that controls the autonomic nervous system who then gets new information and dutifully rearranges the body accordingly. Because, if I am grateful for this wonderful vision of my future, awash with joy because of imagining my body being strong and vibrant – my brain is rewiring itself, making new neural connections and preparing the body to be ready for the next such experience. For now, in my imagination but sooner or later my vision will become reality and I know I will wake up in that future.
It isn’t always easy for me to be among people because people see things as they are. The majority of them is negative and so-called “real” and they really love to talk about their past unconsciously painting their every-day and future with it. Many of them, when they see me walk, immediately start to recount some traumatic experience from their past although I am not looking for compassion, nor solace, I don’t feel miserable and I feel no pain. In those moments I often think: If I got a euro for every such story I hear. I would be a rich woman! People just love to return to their past believing it’s their identity.
They surround themselves with people (friends) who support their attitudes and emotional states because they help eachother sustain them between themselves. For example: women who love to gossip, who are disappointed in love or marriage, men who are complaining about society and are constantly seeking a culprit or an excuse (the government, politics, the fact that their dad didn’t ensure them a career or education), people who are still find excuse in their difficult childhood, ah, you know those people who are always victims and everything and everybody is against them… Believe it or not, these emotional states we are flushing our bodies with for years are highly addictive and after our body organizes it’s neuropeptides according to them it behaves as a common junkie that always needs more and more of those chemicals. That is why it is so hard to change and why changing yourself requires a firm will, perseverance, and hard work. That is why many give up soon.
Dr. Joe Dispenza says that most of the people are either in expectation of some kind of negative experience (stress) or they are re-experiencing some past negative experience over and over again, talking about it (to anyone who asks, or not), thinking about it and they bind themselves to it and it gradually becomes a part of their temperament and their personality. For example: Why is he so harsh and impatient? Well you know, ten years ago this and that happened to him… Why does she hate men so much? Oh, because a few years ago her husband ran away with her best friend… I think you get what I’m talking about.
Us mammals have an ancient mechanism for survival (situated in our brain stem or the reptilian brain) that used to nicely safeguard our ancestors when they had to fight a bear or flee from a sabertooth tiger. This useful and beneficial fight-flight-freeze mechanism that in times of stress pumps our blood to the extremities (for fight or flight) or slows down our heartbeat (in case we need to pretend we are dead – freeze), is fantastic if we know how to turn it off. But for us humans it turns out to be very dangerous because unlike the antelope who after the threat is over returns to the careless state of nibbling grass, we people (thanks to the neocortex) relieve this experience again and again and it stays with us for hours/days/years because we are thinking or talking about it and endlessly analyzing it.
This ancient mechanism can’t tell if the stress we feel came from the sabretooth tiger, neighbor, our spouse or someone in traffic – it reacts equally and prepares our body for fight or flight. And is then, when we are threatened, a good time for homeostasis (the tendency of organisms to regulate their internal environment in a stable state) and a time to protect us from the internal enemies like bacteria or viruses? I will explain more figuratively: if there is an earthquake, is it the best time for remodeling the bathroom or painting the kitchen? And is it so strange that I fell sick from an autoimmune condition after my divorce, a six-year-long child custody battle on the court, my mother’s and a few very close family members’ death?
It isn’t to me. Now that the tempests of my life calmed down I finally feel like I have the opportunity to heal my body too. If my biggest change and healing is already obvious in my emotional plan, I feel like I really need a little more time so that my body can catch up with my spirit.
I told you that during the Coherent Healing during the workshop in Berlin I felt as if a boulder of sadness left my body after which I felt instant relief. Today, three weeks later, my condition is this:
– I don’t cry during meditation anymore
– The old feelings of sadness, worry and anxiety come up very rarely and when they do I know that it’s only because my body is addicted to those chemicals with whom I flooded it for years and I just say: Change! (it took me a while but now I remember to say it)
– I’m happy, full of energy and instead of being an analyst of my current state, I am happily noticing what I can do and what is beautiful and there more of those every day!
Emotion is the first sign of change. I feel wonderful and excited and I’m in love with the vision of my future!