12. Waking up in my dream

Objavljeno, 30.5.2018. | My Yes to love journey

Photos: Ralf Kaiser www.mindgourmet.com

Yesterday I came home from Berlin, where on the seven-day Dr. Joe Dispenza advanced retreat I overcame my limitations, myself and returned as a new person with a serious respect towards myself.

It all wasn’t too hard because I had a firm intention to lose my mind, to play and for a week live as a new me from the future. What did I have to lose? I was conscious to not say I can’t (YesToAll), and although it slipped into my speech sometimes, I was aware enough to notice it immediately and to, without being hard on myself (which is already a colossal change for me), replace it with an affirmative expression.


Sofort I after many years dared to take a trip without using “Airport wheelchair assistance” keeping in mind the words of my Dr. House: Anđa, are you ready to give up the advantages you have because of your physical state?, and those of Dr. Joe Dispenza:

– You can’t use the benefits of the state you are trying to change.


The first day after the registration of attendees the workshop began with a three-hour lecture with a few practical exercises because Dr. Dispenza believes if you assign meaning to what you are doing you have greater results. It was a gentle introduction to the six-day hardcore breaking of our old personalities in order to create new personal realities. Four days the workshop lasted from 6 am to 7 pm and the last two days we began at 4 am. It was perfectly organized with a rich offering of various food, coffee, teas, pastry and an army of volunteers who were at our disposal for anything we needed. Altogether 1400 joyous and super-kind people. Can you imagine that? I couldn’t really sleep from the excitement and a slight anxiety fearing would I endure all the challenges and soon it became clear that my 3-month preparation for the workshop and 3 hours of meditation in the past month were just the minima I needed to properly do it.


My team (there were 20 teams of 60 people) was sent off to a secret challenge designed to set us off to the unknown where we traveled for 45 minutes by buses while we also meditated. We got an app with meditations that we used every time we were out of the conference hall. The sound system was already spectacular in Zagreb but here his AV team prepared a real IMAX experience. The meditation on the bus was a riling up for leaving our comfort zone and leaving the fears and limitations of the old self behind. When I found myself in the adventure park similar to the one I was in with my son last year when I could just watch him from the ground while he was high up in the air climbing hanging obstacles and nets I thought that I might become famous as the first person who died on Dr. Dispenza workshop. Then I remembered that this is Germany after all with its precise safety standards and when I realized Petra Brzović, my darling cheerleader (who believes in me more than I do) thanks to her Dr. Joe agreed to come to  Zagreb, and she is also on his team. So when she told me that she will escort me– I just rushed to the seemingly impossible.


When Petra proudly announced to me that I completed the challenge – I cried like a baby – of joy and gratitude I felt towards myself – the one that never gives up, and for Petra because she always believed in me. I broke a nail, bruised my leg and injured my knees. I then naively thought that the worst is done, but I was so wrong.


When in the evening before dismissing us Dr. Joe announced the Walking meditation at 6am next morning, I went in serious trouble to chase away my nervousness because I could only endure 10 minutes on my feet without pausing on a bench. But hey – I’m having trouble walking on the ground and today I was a spiderwoman! So I’ve put on my comfortable sneakers and pretended to walk like Anđa from the future. It was hard. My legs trembled so much that I often thought I will fall and because of that, I had a hard time focusing on the meditation in my headphones that all of us 1200 activated approximately at the same time. We got the instructions to walk as if in a trance with a clear intention focusing on the future we want to live and that while walking with our eyes open bu any circumstance shouldn’t look in the eyes of other passers-by. I was blankly staring at the ground in front of me trying not to sprain my ankle on the bumpy terrain of Berlin’s Tierpark while chasing away the annoying thoughts of the old me that it’s hard, that my legs hurt and that I will fall for sure.

But then I ran into an empty wheelchair that someone just left there and I felt ashamed for my whining and I decisively carried on to the new tomorrow. Later a volunteer told me that I walked like a broken queen that is getting her power back and that I reminded her of Maleficent whose wings were cut off by that prince. When the meditation was over and I looked at the app on my phone, I saw that it lasted for an hour and a half – I burst into tears of joy and pride.


When I come to think of it – I cried a lot but those were tears of joy, sheer love, and gratitude.


The next day I was informed I will be getting a volunteer that will walk behind me so I could relax and focus on my meditation knowing someone has my back. That fourth day I realized I overcame so many of my limitations that I threw myself into the next challenge joyously. The taxi left me at the entrance of the park where I sat on a bench to wait for my volunteer. I watched the “river” of attendees that was flowing into the park and among them, I saw Dr. Joe who was just crossing the street going to the park. I realized those rumors were true that he is always among us watching us how we work. I was shocked to see that he was going in my direction and before I could think he approached me, hugged me and said:

– I watched you yesterday how you walk. I am so proud of you!
My eyes teared up again. I felt so much love and gratitude towards this man who gave me hope and scientifically explained to me that my faith in my total healing is actually real.
– You saved me, Thank you.
– Open your heart today, more than ever. You will heal, I can see it. You already are but your body is in the past and it needs to catch up with your spirit. Don’t worry.

I hugged him and thanked him again and he went on to the park. He’s like that, you know? He hugs and kisses people and encourages them. We saw it all in the video the last day. My volunteer came and I did the meditation as if I was already in the future. The volunteer said that my personality is like of a rhinoceros’ just like the one on my pillow I was carrying under my arm because we did some of the meditations on the floor.


The last two days we started at 4 am what was a total abandonment of the comfort zone. There were a few Croatians too including Mrs Mirjana from Zagreb and her husband Max. His personality reminded me of Gargamel from the Smurfs – he was very grumpy and Mirjana was saying that he is driving her crazy. He had a heart attack a few years ago and a stroke that immobilized the left part of his body. They didn’t have children so she took care of him alone and my first impression was that they were like a cat and a dog. But already on the third day, he changed and I saw him joyously walking with a cane. Later I found out that the abandoned wheelchair in the park belonged to him. Max was close to or over 70 years old. If he could do it… When Dr. Joe gave him a microphone to share his story during the Coherent healing – a miraculous and scientifically explained technique of healing that we all partook in and I even got the chance to partake both as the healer and the healee, I saw Mirjana looking at her Max with eyes full of love and Max lifted his left arm that laid attached to his body for years because that way he could at least feel it. What kind of procedure (as Max called it) was that? I won’t go into any details because all this was already too much for the average reader. Who wants to know there are loads of videos on You-Tube and it’s thoroughly explained in Dispenza’s books.


And I have my community with whom I can share this and that means EVERYTHING to me. Suddenly I have an army of fellow minded people and it is a wonderful feeling not to be alone anymore in this.


Max wasn’t the only proof of healing there. A young woman’s tumor bump disappeared from her neck (on her thyroid), a man returned from the walking meditation without his cane, another man stood up from his wheelchair and a few more people had big physical changes. I didn’t but I returned from the workshop as a different person. Like a new, better me. My biggest change was emotional.


The sixth day a team of Brain scientists came on the stage that brain mapped the brains of 150 participants that have signed up for it. They explained to us what was actually happening with our brains during the meditation and which parts of the brain were activated during it and also why these fascinating physical and emotional changes were possible.


And that is what I came here for – knowledge is my salvation. I don’t believe in miracles, my analytic brain loves scientific explanations of the mystical experiences. Knowledge is my placebo. Although, for years I only believed in my premonition that this incident with my health happened only because of something I can’t understand yet because I can’t see the bigger picture yet and I was only hoping to be right but now I KNOW that my total healing is on the way and that I am like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. Rebirth, Anđa 2,0.


Full circle. I am looking at my fake diary of gratitude from 2017 and I found a post in May where I am grateful for attending a Joe Dispenza workshop although at the time I thought I would need to go to America to attend it. Five months later, he came to Zagreb. Crazy, isn’t it?

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