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21. Self-love

Objavljeno, 1.9.2018. | My YesToAll journey

I woke up in my dream. Ever since my “fake diary of gratitude” (for everything I have and I don’t have yet _ the “fake it till you make it” principle) up until today I can’t believe how many things manifested and became true. My travels, my health my relationships with my narrow and wider family, new friends from all over the world, love… Dr. Joe says: Change your energy and you will change your life. E-motion=energy in motion and I am like a radio transmitter emitting the frequency I am tuned into.

 

I started like this: I found a plant of love inside my heart. It was behind the thick weed of old hurts and beliefs and I started watering it with small acts of gentleness and love towards myself. Not to lie, I needed a lot of techniques and over a few years for this: mirror work, looking myself in the eyes while brushing my teeth and trying to praise myself when I accomplished something or just for my efforts and without turning my head away or rolling my eyes. I had to learn how to receive a compliment without trying to persuade the person who gave it to me that he or she were exaggerating.

 

Self-love is the basis, do you agree? Because, how can you tell someone you love them if you don’t know how to love yourself? If I don’t love myself, if I don’t take care of myself, choose the healthiest foods, make the best choices for myself – then, isn’t it a lie that I love my child? If I love my son, then why ain’t I lovingly taking care of his beloved mother? This question finally woke me up.

 

Therefore, focus on love and gratitude. But 100%. That’s the way it is with inner work. Either you’re all in or you’re not. Inner work is like pregnancy – either you are or you’re not – because you can’t be a little pregnant. And just to clear out another thing: inner work is WORK. Effort. Getting out of your comfort zone and going into the unknown. Otherwise, it would be called “a pleasant stroll by the sea to self-awareness”. Einstein also said: You cannot solve a problem using the same thinking that you used while the problem acured. You literally have to become someone else and bravely step into the unknown.

 

It took Buddha six years of meditation and learning to reach self-awareness. It took me the same time to realize that I know almost nothing and that everything is possible. This is what I came to realize: Who is my best teacher? I am. Who is the only authority I should listen to and trust? It is my inner voice (guidance). But in order to be able to hear it clearly I had to educate my mind, tame my ego and turn my past, but every painful memory, – into love. Sometimes they ask me: how could you forgive? How? Easy really. I prefer my peace to being right. We don’t forgive someone because they deserve it but for our sake. Buddha said that Anger is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die. The most popular prayer Our father says: … and forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us… – Hey, is this clear??? As we forgive? Then we are doomed 🙂 It is a nice example of giving opposite instructions.

 

I am thinking about the heart, our creative center which as the Little Prince said sees things that are invisible to the eyes. The mind loves hurdles and tasks, hates the unknown and it is passionately in love with the familiar chaos and it hates change. The mind doesn’t “believe”, doesn’t know how to surrender and let go of control. The mind then thinks it seizes to exist because it needs constant action and movement. The mind can’t exist in the silence of thoughts, but only in delving into the past based on what it predicts the future. I feel that this blog won’t find much approval of the minds reading it but I know that the hearts who have been attracted by the story of my heart will enjoy the “a-ha!” moments.

 

I am thinking about love. Yesterday I finally learned (but I didn’t remember it) what was the name of the chemical that our body produces when we say “my heart is full”, “my heart is swelling”, “I have an orgasm in my chest”, etc. and I finally know that my heart literally swells and blossoms from the amount of happiness that I feel when I am consciously opening it..

 

And why am I opening my heart and doing all this? Because I know that inside me is the best farmaceutical company for me and that the intelligence that runs trillion of processes that I ain’t even aware of exactly knows how to return my body in homeostasis, absolute equilibrium, and harmony. For months, years I’ve been learning about that. It is really true that in this age of information – ignorance is a choice.

 

It is finally clear to me: every time I disappear, I disconnect my analytical mind, turn on consciousness and I am just aware and I’m opening my heart and just feel – my autonomic nervous system goes: Finally! She’s gone! Quickly repair! Because it is it’s job and my thoughts and doubts are just in its way, confusing it and giving it conflicting information.

 

Here is another wonderful technique that I learned from Yuri Spilny. It’s called “Love letter to myself”. Yesterday I found my first love letter in my fake diary of gratitude and I really like it. I am finally working on the most important relationship in my life: a relationship with myself.

 

1.st Love letter to myself

Dear Andja,

I am fascinated by your quick opening towards the unknown and your passion to learn and your progress in the field of personal development. I am glad you realized that your lesson now is Love. I am glad that you have discovered techniques to turn your past into Love so that it can’t ambush you and find you unprepared.

I am proud of your perseverance and I am proud that you have found a teacher. I wanted you to now that I have always loved you and I always do; even when you think you made a mistake and that you are being an evil stepmother to yourself. I love and I hope it will be mutual soon.

I can’t even describe my pride and love towards you when you discovered the spot by which you will enliven your leg! Now as if it is begging to be massaged – like a sleeping beauty that has been asleep for years.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, I love you!

Your consciousness,
4th March 2018.

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