I’d like to be compassion and love but I’m not there yet.I know I’m getting closer every day because I am aware that freaking out about anything only hurts me. Only I suffer from my negative emotions and my joy, on the other hand, benefits everyone around me – and that is the living truth.
But still, sometimes I fail terribly.
These days I am involved in trying not to be affected by other people’s worries and battles which is not as easy as I thought it would be, especially when I care for the people involved. I’m trying to transform everything that unnerves me into love and compassion, but maybe I just got to the stuff that isn’t so easy to deal with.
Yesterday I was affected by (the newest and hopefully the last) fight my friend had with her partner. I tried to be supportive while she read me his selfish messages in which he was listing her the things he wasn’t satisfied with, not mentioning any of, like he said, the many features of her personality he likes, emphasizing only on those he didn’t like. I’m witnessing their discords for more than a year and I’m realizing how blessed I am to be single ‘cause I don’t miss this kind of partnership at all.
You know what their “stumbling rock” is? The guy doesn’t know how to apologize.
He has principles and he sticks to them. But she is the one who attracted this kind of relationship and this lesson so, who am I to interfere?
I’ve been thinking about principles these days and I consider them the seeds of pure evil. Although we are taught to be principled from the time we are little, I am realizing that they are the creation of ego and they only serve the ego to manipulate.
“Every revolution readily destroyed those disagreeing with its principles. Religion was murdering unbelievers in accordance with principles of the dogma. Fascists murdered people according to the principles of their dogma. At the core of violence, there is always a principle that is fashioned to justify it. Nothing exposes the nature of the principle better than it’s endeavor to justify violence. Principles are never truthful because they are created by limited minds. Society continues to deceive and to live by its principles, but, in nature, in the stream of Life, there is no need for principles, and people are an integral part of nature.”
Yuri Spilny, Realizing the Heart of Success
The mind led by principles is but a remorseless slave to itself. Only as a servant of Love and compassion, it’s useful to us. The mind is a bad boss with an inferiority complex and hates to admit it doesn’t know something, especially that it made a mistake. When it imagines it is the boss, it is hard to defeat it. What king would give up his throne easily? The best explanation of ego I heard from my therapist, who described it like the CEO of our firm that takes care of the demands of the owner and the demands of the market, but often it gets confused into believing he is the owner and burns out leading both the firm and the owner into collapse. Yet, nothing can be done without it but we have to make it our best friend first.
Let’s not lie to ourselves, there is no such thing as a universal reality. There are so many realities as there are people in the world.
According to Google – 7.6 billion. See? Everybody sees their truth from their own perspective. So whenever someone tells me to“get real” I know I’m talking to a sleepwalker. This is reality: more than 7 billion complex chemical processes happen in my body every second without my awareness.
Reality is that my heart tirelessly pumps the blood and that I never, ever forgot to take the next breath even when I sleep.
Why then, my endless confidence in the supreme intelligence of my every cell is silly to some, and the trial and error methodology of science to try to understand the magnificence of life, is trustworthy and correct? Again, I see: everybody talks lives and drives conclusions based on their own perspective.
Today, I’m trying not to be affected by the fact that my friend “sacrificed himself on the altar of his family” which is “rational” and trusts only the official western medicine’s approach – even though it has not been able to provide a solution for their son’s and brother’s condition. He has an array of autoimmune symptoms and his family, unsatisfied by his slow recuperation at home, and not being able to cope with their fears, put him in the hospital. He sacrificed himself (that’s how I see it) for the sake of family harmony and agreed to their method of treatment. Now he is there for days, they’re experimenting on him and he sounds hypnotized when he tells me about how at least his family is at peace.
– And how are you feeling?
– Bad. You know you can’t get any sleep in a hospital and I’m still waiting to see the specialist.
I was overwhelmed by anger. His friend tried to comfort me saying that “his family has the best intentions”. You know what I think of “best intentions”. Same as principles, I think they are the road to hell.
But, what am I doing? I’m only hurting myself. I’m mad at my friends because they don’t seem to love themselves enough. The first friend is hurting herself by principles she has about love and the other by principles of love for his family. But, honestly, why is that bothering me? If it does, I know that I have a wound myself, otherwise it wouldn’t bother me at all. Can I help them? Absolutely not. It’s time for dealing with it. A song comes to my mind, that goes: “What is so said in people that they go into other’s lives?” So sad but true! I’m reaching for my virtual broom of love and compassion, and I’m starting to clean my past. Why did I react like this? I can only promise myself that I will love ME more than any future partner so that I won’t even think of bearing such selfish behaviors. I promise I won’t ever condition my son to do anything for the sake of my peace of mind. I want to forgive the members of my family who are opposing my way of healing because of their fears.
Buddha was unprincipled; his followers created 32 schools of Buddhism. You may wonder why. There was one Buddha with a simple teaching, now there are 32 teachings, and a new religion called Buddhism. They did it to prove that “my principle” is the right principle. Buddha was unprincipled, but the followers created 32 new principles. Jesus was teaching Love. Like Buddha, Jesus was unprincipled. Like any other enlightened teacher, Jesus created no school, no organization, but the followers were ignorant. The followers created the whole system of principles called Christian Religion.
It has happened so many times throughout history: unprincipled enlightened teacher dies, principled ignorant followers create new religion… To protect itself, ignorance builds prison bars of principles through which no Love can shine.
Yuri Spilny, Realizing the Heart of Success
It’s such a beautiful day outside and I’m so restless on the inside. Who am I to blame but myself? We really do everything to ourselves. I promise myself: I will be smarter next time.