6. I’m healed from the past!

Objavljeno, 4.4.2018. | My YesToAll journey

Hello everybody! Happy and blessed spring and warm days! I believe you have rested well and hung out with your loved ones and that you didn’t have the need to waste your time on social networks and send people those generic greetings and pictures of Easter eggs and bunnies, and that you spent your precious free time looking into the eyes of your loved ones instead.

 

My great decision to remove the social network apps from my phone gave me time and presence in my own life. But isn’t Facebook so widely accepted that even the business communication goes through it?! When I saw that in my inbox I have so many unread messages, I succumbed to my curiosity and installed Messinger again just to see if my idea for the picture-book I am doing with my dream-team colleagues accepted. Ta-daaam! My inbox welcomed me with dozens of Easter greetings, mostly from people I don’t even know. I even got a few Whatsapp messages from numbers I didn’t have on my phone, that said: Jesus is knocking on your door… Hm, it seems to me that people who send these messages don’t even believe in what they are sending and that they need everyone else to believe so that they could too. Very annoying.

 

The other day, a wonderful text by Ida Prester, a Croatian blogger/mother/musician came out about Jesus who wasn’t at all like the ones who mention him mostly. I too think that this genius person never wanted us to believe in him but to believe like him. Also, he never said stepbrothers and stepsisters, never made difference between him and others and he never said he is the only son of God and that the rest of us are illegitimate children. Moreover, he was an illegitimate child himself and exactly what these self-proclaimed interpreters of God’s will and so-called real believers strongly condemn.

But I better stop now – I don’t have the need to persuade anybody into anything I only wish people would keep their opinions to themselves. That they stop lecturing me why (they think) this illness happened to me and that the love that sets me free from the burden of the past wasn’t Love but Jesus because I think Jesus would slap them on the face for that. He probably wouldn’t because he was the embodiment of love and compassion, and I am just not there yet. Besides, I don’t even know what he was, the Bible was written by men 200 hundred years after his death so it’s a hearsay story that has been overwritten many times and adapted to the governors of the era, but nevertheless my personal feeling is that Jesus was a very cool guy – but that is only my humble opinion.

 

That is why I like these words attributed to Buddha so much:

Believe not because some old manuscripts are produced, believe not because it is your national belief, believe not because you have been made to believe from your childhood, but reason truth out, and after you have analyzed it, then if you find it will do good to one and all, believe it, live up to it and help others live up to it.

 

I have spent these holidays with my best friend and ex-boyfriend who came to visit me in Zagreb and we went to Slovenia together to hang out with his family. My son persuaded me to sleep at his house, where I used to live before. Turning the past into love made this possible for me, I was set free from the heavy memories of the past, and without much thinking, I said yes to my son after he confirmed that he asked his dad and grandmother for approval. What a beautiful change it was! For the first time in years, I visited Ljubljana and saw why I used to love it so much. Even the meeting of my ex-mother-in-law and hanging out with her and my ex-husband showed me why I loved living with them so much. We have spent a beautiful evening together and our son was absolutely thrilled! Isn’t that just like Jesus would do? How can people ask me how could I do that, while they’re making their children to religious teaching? Where are you sending them and who do you believe in, man?

 

We decided it’s best if I sleep at Gašper’s room that he shares with his brother who went to see his mother’s family. Before going to bed just the three of us hung out. People, I’m cured! I’m light and free from the burden of the past and seeing how much it meant for our son, my heart was as big as a house. Primož and I drank wine and talked and our son was playing music for us and he was hugging us very often. Primož asked me how did I feel now that our son is living with him and I told him that to me the only important thing is his happiness and that I am grateful that he takes such great care of him. I apologized to Gašper for being selfish and fighting with his father for years and for acting like idiots and he hugged us both and said: “I like how you are and I love you both!”I thought we are so lucky that kids are programmed to love their parents and remember only the good things, and again, my heart was swelling and I felt like it’s going to explode from love and happiness.

 

So, these were my lovely family holidays. Now I see the comments on my Facebook under the photo where Gašper, Matjaž and I in Piran yesterday, and I see that people think I have a new relationship and that I’m calling that man the new stepfather of my son! Hahahaaha, people are so silly! It is something to be earned and not just named: they have been really close for more than 7 years even without my influence, their relationship is theirs only and I have no right to decide anything. I understand again that people are always driving their own conclusions and that they have their opinions regardless of the truth.

 

Be happy and joyful because your life, as it is, is just a dream for someone else.

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