English

14. You

Objavljeno, 23.6.2018. | My YesToAll journey

If you want to help the world the most, help yourself grow, and you will do far more than you could by being involved in the world. The more you are capable of loving, the more you are helping the world.

Parliaments cannot right the world, but enough people loving can.

Lester Levenson

 

Only when I found out who I am, I could detach myself from the problem and find a way out. Only after I was observing the program, I wasn’t a part of it anymore. Everything changed in my life when I changed myself. Everything. The first step is taking responsibility. The second step is a passionate desire to change something. I remembered the sentence that we can’t (and aren’t allowed to) change anybody but ourselves, and that realization seemed very comforting. I didn’t feel powerless anymore (like a paper ship in the ocean of life), I became a powerful supervisor of everything that I will or won’t let bother me. I realized I was the creator of my life! It sounded wonderful to me but it’s scary to many who prefer to blame somebody or something and just keep threading the excuses for their failures.

The real truth is this:

The only one who is going to change you – is you! Wishing won’t do it, nor will trying. You have got to do it!

Your only real friend is you.

Your only real enemy is you.

You are an enemy to yourself only to the degree you limit yourself.

The only thing that’s limiting you in achieveing some goal is you saying: I can’t. You think you can’t that is why you can’t. Those who can’t don’t really want to.

Lester Levenson

 

They say misery is the first teacher. If I’m in a sparing with my partner, we both have fighting gloves on. Only after I started to wonder: How did I contribute to this fight?, and What can I do to resolve it? – and only after I “took off the gloves” and quit the fight, the end began to show itself. Only after I began to change and better myself, the relationships in my life could change and become better.

Yesterday I was in Ljubljana. I spent the day with my son and his dad who was complaining a lot in the beginning because of my “permissive upbringing that was the reason for today’s situation”. I listened to it without reaction and I even heard myself saying I was sorry for becoming ill and therefore compromising the supervision of our son’s school grades. Without any cynicism, I reminded him that we can’t change the past but that I was willing to do my best in finding the best solutions for our challenges in the future. My stance “neutralized” him and we continued in an atmosphere of collaboration.

 

It gives you a chance to practice real peace. Because they are making sounds with their mouths is no reason why you should feel bad about it. Opposition is a very healthy thing. It provokes and firms growth.

Lester Levenson

 

And what is growth? Growth is when the ego overcomes its misery. Growth is overcoming your habitual self which isn’t anything else than the ego itself.

Ego is the feeling “I am an individual separated from everything else. Ego is thinking “Only I know best!” what exactly is the source of our collective desperation and loneliness.

It became crystal clear: if both parents aren’t well, the child is not well. I can be well only if my son is well. He can be well only if both his parents are well, so I can’t be well if my ex-husband isn’t well. Get it?

The other night I was talking to a friend who is in the peak of a child custody battle. I tried to reason with her that all of that shall pass and that he will forever be a father to her child.

She was saying a lot of things like:

– But he is…

– He is crazy…

– You can’t talk to him normally…

Isn’t it tragicomical that all of us think that our case is the worst? I observed her and vividly remembered the “deeply hurt me” from the past (the guy deadly wounded my ego) and I was thinking about how I must’ve sounded exactly like her if not much worse…

 

These statements unnerve me: The mother thinks he is a bad father.

She is a bad mother.

Really? You two were forced into marriage and to have a child? Did someone hold a gun to your head? Or maybe you were out of your right mind? I don’t get it. The child loves it’s both parents. You two chose each other once and in the passion you didn’t use protection so now please, for the sake of the child, deal with it with dignity! Don’t expect it from the other person, you change! Lead by example and constantly ask yourself: what can I do? What can I change?

 

We even went for an ice cream and beer yesterday. My friend Mickey who drove me to Ljubljana liked how even after the divorce we still give our son a family feeling because mom and dad are sitting at the table together and talking to each other.

The problem is in your consciousness. Change your consciousness, change your mind and everything will change.

Lester Levenson

and another thing for the end:

Peace begins with me.

Ho’oponopono

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