I have a woman on Twitter who is constantly writing me direct messages with themes that don’t interest me, I don’t understand them and I asked her several times already to stop because I don’t want to talk to her. When she started to write to me I asked her about her name (she uses an alias) and age, she got out of the answer with a dubious explanation that she doesn’t trust the social media and that is why she uses a pseudonym. She never stopped writing since then and I am almost afraid to go to Twitter because I know her message will wait in the inbox through which I usually have a short correspondence with interesting people I follow.
How did I fall into her trap? I realized that the other day when I was listening to an audio lecture of Dr. Christiane Northrup (multiple New York Times and Amazon bestseller writer of books like “Women’s bodies, women’s wisdom”, “Goddesses never age”, “Wisdom of Menopause”, “Making life easy”…) about how to dodge energy vampires and protect yourself from them.
In my last blog I was writing about how I became aware that I am an HSP (high sensitivity person) or an empath who is often targeted by emotional vampires who are not only all around us but with the appearance of social media, those characters got an open portal through which they can get to their prey more easily and feed on others’ energies.
I talk about my struggles and successes very openly and I fell into the trap of wanting to help others who have similar problems like I did. I remember that at one point it got so overwhelming that I feared to open my messenger inbox because as I wanted to answer them all, and when I did, I was left with no energy to continue my day.
Slowly I noticed that (and now I see it’s a classic feature of energy vampires) the majority of them didn’t even want my advice but only wanted my attention and my feedback – my energy and a shoulder to cry on. Now I now that empaths often fall into a trap of wanting help everyone and to save the world. Also, I see that one of their main characteristics is to put their own wellbeing behind the others’ – and I realized that the world just needs to be loved and accepted for what it is, including, and before anything – to love myself first.
I will describe you the types of energy vampires so that you don’t think they are only some dark characters. I found many descriptions of them but I will summarize shortly the most common types.
An energy vampire can be your mother, your father, brother, sister and even your child – in that case, they are called “innocent energy vampires” that really need your help (and energy). Christiane Northrup says that they don’t become vampires (because of childhood trauma, which is the biggest misconception of psychotherapy) but they are born that way.
Martyr – always a victim of life, everyone is against him
Charmer/ joker / Narcissist – always telling stories and jokes – always in the center of attention, diligently collects likes on social media and feeds on the reactions to his posts. (I have such a person on my facebook, he just posted an offensive joke and I instantly thought about how will his partner feel about it but then I remembered that energy vampires don’t even have the neural circuits to feel compassion and that they aren’t even bothered by the consequences of their deeds.
The accuser – distributing endless portions of guilt
Drama queen – she/he barely survived the fever/influenza/new task on the work, lives between the extremes of emotions: life is either indescribably good or horribly bad.
Dominator/bully: enjoys stomping the less self-confident, often a sexist and a bigot, fanatical and intolerant, has a black and white concepcion of the world
Hater – unable to feel happiness so he works hard to ruin it for everyone around him, a very common phenomenon on social networks, they linger there you can find them in almost every comment section.
Christiane Northrup says that energy vampires are usually very charming and often physically very attractive, they know just what to say and when, how to fool you and are able to pretend endlessly to have changed if they sense you got fed up with their ways. They are often in leading positions; managers, CEOs, and entrepreneurs. They are those romantic and marital partners that keep telling you that they couldn’t live without you and that they will die if you leave them which is a huge lie because a vampire will find a new pray in no time and in a year he will start a family with her/him.
They’re often very good at sex. I learned (from Dr. Nordthrup) that the cervix (located at the top of the vagina) a reflexology zone of the heart so when women have sex their levels of beta-endorphins (it’s a neuropeptide connected to the feeling of sexual pleasure) will increase from the stimulation of the heart through their most vulnerable area and they easily become addicted to that characters.
Energy vampires are also those mothers and spouses that have convinced their children and partners that they can’t live without them (lowering their already low self-esteem for years) or grandmothers (there is an excellent example in the film “Moonstruck” with Cher) that threaten their family with nervous breakdowns or health conditions like migraines (guilt trips) so their family members choose to submit to them because the price of saying no is just too high.
Energy vampires are also those haters on social media that manage to find a flaw in everything that makes you happy and they write mean comments under other peoples’ posts and under articles on portals and hide behind aliases. You have to know that they are deeply unhappy people who don’t have a life so they hang out on the internet and troll everything they come across…
I also learned that energy vampires can be impersonal things/situations and objects like television, internet and other electronic devices like mobile phones or radios, public spaces like clubs and shopping malls and also neurotic pets.(?!)
Did you notice how in the last decade vampires are absolutely everywhere in the media? Why has this theme become so popular and who are these executive producers that market this content? People love to be scared, that’s for sure, and based on the contents of these shows it looks like these themes are meant to infiltrate to our daily lives and we have become immune to them (violence, psychic disorders, narcississic disorder…) and we consider them mundane and normal.
They say if you carry a lot of light and joy you attract a lot of darkness too – I can confirm this because I have a history of meeting the most bizarre characters since my youth but one thing is certain: vampires can’t exist in the light and clarity. How to protect yourself? Christiane Northrup and many authors on this theme say:
– loving yourself
– paying attention to your body sensations that appear in the presence of these persons
– setting clear boundaries (in case the vampire is a family member)
– becoming aware that you can’t/don’t have to help them only they can help themselves
– on the internet – don’t get hooked on their bates, don’t get into arguments and debates with them or simply block them and if you feel especially strong, you can write back that you’re sorry for their pain
– completely breaking the contact with them (if the vampire in question is a narcissistic ex-partner)
There. This was my week’s lesson and it can be food for thought for you. Take care!